I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
