his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
