Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
