The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
