girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
