you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
