I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
