Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
