he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
