Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
