im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
