Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize