In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
