Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
