Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're too hungover to prance.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
