so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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