I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
