fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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