So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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