Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize