If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
