It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
