There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
