I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
