I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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