drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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