Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
