You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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