I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Boobs speak an international language.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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