I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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