If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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