Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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