I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
