then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
