This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i think my cat just said my name.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
