Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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