Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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