some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
