She is in my trunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
