Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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