I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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