Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
