I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
