Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
