Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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