I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
