just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
