I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize