On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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