the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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