We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
