I am in a vortex of obligation.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
