i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
