cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize