12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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