??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Say something about gay babies.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
