Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
