omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize