please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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