Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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