my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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