how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
