she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
