I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
