i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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