All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
