i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
