she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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